HOPE

March 20, 2011 – HOPE

It’s about 3 in the morning.  I’m exhausted.  The past two weeks have been a whirlwind.  I close my eyes and go through the timeline of my last days in America and smile.  I reminisce on my last day at work, the trip to SF, the trip to LA, my going away party at Cathy’s, eating out every single day, spending time with friends, spending time with family, and spending time with Taha.  I open my eyes to see that clock and I know that my flight leaves in a couple of hours.  It still doesn’t feel like I’m going away that long.  It feels as if I’ll be back in a couple of weeks.  And I keep telling myself that 2 years isn’t that long of time.  But in reality it is pretty long.  I keep going through the checklist in my head.  I’ve already packed and repacked and packed and then repacked again like 10 times.  I am fitting 2 years’ worth of the things into 2 duffle bags so I had to make sure that I was okay.  At this time I keep counting what I brought.  I know I need to sleep but I started to feel anxious.  I woke up before my alarm before Taha woke up, before my parents came over, and just sat there.  At this moment I knew it was real.  I said bye to my puppy Layla, recorded my voice on a book for future Olivia, kissed my Gma goodbye (as she held the tears), said goodbye to Gpa and Ivane and got in the car to leave for the airport. 

Taha and I drove separately from my family to the airport.  It was an emotional drive for us.  As she started to shed her tears, I tried to hold my tears back.  I told her that we were going to be alright.  But in all honesty I don’t know.  I love her, she loves me, my family and friends love her and she loves them.  It’s only been 4 months but it seemed as though we we’re good for each other.  She always put me at ease when it came to the Peace Corps things.  When I questioned what I was doing she reassured me that I was doing an amazing thing.  And that was one of the reasons why I love her.  She made it easy for me to leave.  She was selfless and didn’t want to stand in my way and she never made me choose between her and the Peace Corps.  And I am eternally grateful for that.

As we get to the airport I say my goodbye’s to my family, I almost cry while hugging Karren, and head into security check point.  This is the point of no return.  I feel this sadness come over me as I wave bye to my family and as I turn around unable to see them in the distance I get this sudden feeling of hope. The Hope that I can make my loved ones proud, Hope that I will do a good job, Hope that I will love the Ukraine, and Hope that the Ukraine will love me.  Because right now all I have is myself and Hope.